About a month ago, I discovered something rather alarming about myself that I didn't know before. Down in the dark part of me that believes without knowledge, I don't believe I deserve anything good or anything I want. So, my core believes I deserve to suffer disappointment and grief daily until death. I can only say, "Good LORD! My insides are stupid." Changing those practically inbred beliefs is problematic, but I have a new saying that I'm fond of for times such as these. "Fuck it, I'm a fighter." So. It is on, Borkn's insides. Not only will I believe I should get what I want and good things, I will get what I want and good things on a regular basis.
I'm pretty sure I know where this belief came from, and that's a story that's not mine to tell, but suffice it to say, it's deep and ingrained. It's a good thing that I'm indecently stubborn and patient. And deserving (which is such a ridiculous word, it should be eradicated from the language, and the idea of it should also be erased) of many, many good things.